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Tuesday, 01 December, 2020

Ol' Slim is Right

Date: 15 August, 2008

By: Chief

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Every month New Mexico Magazine publishes "Ol' Slim's Views From The Porch." An editorial of sorts by none other than Slim Randles — prognosticator at large. The September edition was no different and, as always, ol' Slim was right on the ball.

Don't you — yes you — get sick and tired of the blasted 'Vote for Me' signs that are springing up like weeds each election season, and, far more importantly, never get taken down? No matter who wins or loses those damned signs seem to hang around forever.

Well Slim doesn't like them either. Better still he has come up with a sure fire way of getting the eyesores taken down — pronto. Pass a simple law. That is all that is necessary.

Now I'm not in favor of new laws — we have far too many utterly worthless laws on the books as it is. But this law actually makes sense and I, for one, am in favor of it. That said, here is Slim's proposal (quoting New Mexico Magazine):

"Pass a law that says that anyone at any time can walk up and ask the homeowner to give three reasons why we should vote for the guy whose name's on the sign. If they can't produce three reasons in less than a minute, you have the right to pull up the sign, toss it into the pickup, and beautify New Mexico."

It is a brilliant idea, I submit. When you think about it most people who have those 'Vote for Me' signs on their property have absolutely no idea whatsoever what 'Me' actually stands for or believes in. The candidate whose sign adorns your front yard — but is an eye sore to everyone else — may have the morals which make Jeffery Dahmer appear near saintly by comparison.

Another stroke of genius is the "any time" bit. That right there will keep a whole lot of political hogwash signs from appearing in the first place. Most citizens do not like being roused from their slumber and then to have someone (at four o'clock in the morning) ask the homeowner to give them three reasons — in less than a minute — why we should vote for Jeffery Dahmer's younger brother. Why, that is just beyond the pale to ask that of some barely awake and really pissed off homeowner. You can bet that the:

If Slim's proposal were to become law there would be, I fully believe, a severe shortage of 'Vote for Me' signs on people's property. And you know something, that suits me just fine.

Ah, but there is a second and far more pleasing, yet insidious, part to Slim's plan. The election day law. Quoting New Mexico Magazine:

"[...]When the election takes place, there's always about a month's worth of afterglow, with all the signs left up in the yards, winners and losers alike. Another piece of legislation could cure that, too. Just fine the candidate a dollar a day for every one of his or her signs that remains up after the election.[...]."

God, don't you just love to see a true genius at work? I sure do. And Slim is just that — a true genius. He ought to receive a Nobel Prize.

Tell me please, just how fast do you think the candidates will move to get rid of those hideous signs if they are subject to a dollar per day per sign fine? And then tell me this — just how fast do you think old Joe Citizen with his pickup truck that is just chalk full of signs he has removed from other citizen's yards because they couldn't answer the three questions in less than a minute will move to plant those worthless signs just so all of those 'Vote for Me' people get to pay an additional fine?

I'll bet you Joe Citizen can plant signs faster than all the 'Vote for Me's' combined can remove them. Brilliant. Brilliant, I tell you! Those blasted politicians and the wannabes shall surely find out just how costly a campaign can actually be. It will serve them right.

But what would we do with all the millions of dollars in fines? Well, as per the normal, Slim has his idea (quoting New Mexico Magazine):

"The money would go to the Aging Cowboys Superfund for Liquid Refreshment."

I think that is a fine idea. Additionally I would support the money staying within the local communities. Be that county, city, town or village. That way the money would be available for use by We the People. No money for the state however.

Face it, the infrastructure of any state — go ahead pick one — has seen better days. Most have seen better decades for that matter. Furthermore, since the vast majority of politicians and wannabe politicians like nothing better than stealing money from We the People in order to pursue their own very blemished political careers — those same scoundrels should have to pay and pay dearly. Slim's ideas are one way to help accomplish those very lofty goals.

Politicians and the wannabe crowd do their very best — or worst, depending upon your point of view — to avoid any responsibility for anything. Slim's proposals, while not eliminating the problem, will definitely put a crimp in their styles. I do believe, and I suspect you do as well, that that is one Jim Dandy of a good idea. Parents attempt to teach their kids responsibility and accountability. So why should the politicos be an exception to the rule? They should not be and this is an excellent place in which to start.

I say to you — author a "Slim's Law" in your state or commonwealth today. It is an idea whose time has come!

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