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Monday, 17 December, 2018
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Chasing the Wrong Person

Date: 02 January, 2005

By: Chief

Imageur federal government, on the one hand, has been publicly bitching about a lack of law enforcement resources to give chase to and, at least one hopes, actually catch 'real' bad guys has, on the other hand, been chasing, from Yugoslavia to Japan no less — a chess player.

Oh dear. Truly this chess player must be Osama bin-Laden incognito. Nah, not even close. It is the master of the chess board himself, Mr. Bobby Fischer.

The crime

But what kind of dastardly crime or crimes (he just must have committed more than one horrid deed to invoke the ire of the federales) did Bobby Fischer do? Well, the truth is that, believe it or not, he won a chess match.

I am not kidding. No sir or ma'am, not on y'all's life.

A wanted man

Bobby has been on the run from the federales for more than a decade after being accused of breaking international sanctions by visiting Yugoslavia to take part in a chess match in 1992. Fischer, who is a brilliant player, became a grandmaster at the ripe old age of 15 and shot to fame in 1972 when he beat Boris Spassky, then of the Soviet Union. Bobby held onto the title of world chess champion until 1975 and resurfaced in Yugoslavia for the dramatic 1992 rematch against Mr. Spassky.

Fischer, as I said earlier, won the game but split when the federales announced they wanted to arrest and prosecute him over the $3 million gen-u-wine greenbacks he earned for playing, which, according to the federales, violated both U.S. and United Nations bans on doing business in Yugoslavia. Hell, I did not know that chess paid so well. Besides, just when has chess become a business?

So Bobby has been on the run, a wanted man if you will, since 1992. And he has successfully avoided the federales to date. However, as luck would have it, his luck finally dried up. He was caught in Japan, in July of last year,where he has been, lo and behold, living for the past three years. The Japanese government has detained him ever since.

The U.S. wants him back. Can you believe this? The federales, obviously with nothing better to do, intend, if they get him, to try him and if convicted — of winning a chess match — Fischer faces up to 10 years in a federal cross bar hotel.

But Fischer, the ever thinking chess player, has had the last laugh. He applied for political asylum with both the governments of Japan and Iceland. His fiancee is Japanese. The Icelanders just think he is cool. I agree with that, by the way. The government of Iceland said come on in Bobby, the water's nice ... though a tad cold. And with fiancee in tow, Bobby Fischer traveled to Iceland. I do hope that on the way to Iceland he gave the one finger salute to the federales.

Governmental idiocy

The thing here is what in the Sam Thump was our government thinking? I do know that I am making a huge leap of faith by asserting that our federal government has the ability to think. I may have to withdraw that assertion, but we will see. Christ, there are real terrorists, real bank robbers, real murderers, real rapists and real crooked politicians. Each and every one of these 'real' vermin are hiding out, practicing their chosen trade, until they screw up bad enough to wake up our sleeping federales and are chased down and finally apprehended. Maybe.

It seems to me that the federales have their priorities all whacked out. While bin-Laden and his ilk are still at large our federal government, for 12 consecutive years, was hot on the cold trail of a chess player. Bobby Fischer.

How utterly S-T-U-P-I-D can one government get? Yet our ever faithful federales continue to complain about not having a big enough budget and enough manpower to catch the 'real' bad guys. Truth be told, it is far easier to complain than it is to actually 'do'. That malady, friends and neighbors, has been around since time began.

I really wonder how many man hours were spent trying to find, arrest and extradite Fischer? I would also really like to know just how much of our tax dollars were spent paying for the man hours which were spent — in hot pursuit of Fischer. I am quite sure that in some cubby hole somewhere is some bean-counter who has that particular information. I am also equally sure that I will never find out who that bean-counter is. For, as we all know, the federales do not in any way like to publicize their screw ups.

So the next time your local federale complains about not enough money to accomplish anything worthwhile or not enough bodies to do the accomplishing, ask said federale why were they chasing a chess player and ignoring 'real' bad guys. They won't like the question and you won't like the answer.

The final score

Fischer 1 — U.S. government zero, nadda, zip.

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