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Tuesday, 01 December, 2020

Survey Says — Stupid

Date: 10 October, 2004

By: Chief

Imagenother hurricane season is just starting to wind down. Slowly but surely. There is still a month or so left to go. It has been a long, wet and windy season for those who have chosen to live in the water-logged state of Flori-duh. Which now brings to mind the topic of this story — who in their right mind would deliberately choose to live in a state which has a history, indeed, a long history of severe weather patterns? That is not even bothering to mention what businessman would decide to hang his or her shingle and commence business operations in a state known for severe weather.

Flori-duh. Has a rather hollow ring to it, now doesn't it? The sunshine state? Well, maybe liquid sunshine.

What gets me about this whole mess is that the people and the businesses are now crying about needing disaster relief. Which, by the way, we as taxpayers foot the bill for. Excuse me but these things we call hurricanes are not exactly new phenomena you know. I do believe that hurricanes have been around for quite a while and knocking the living hell out of Flori-duh and other nearby states every time. Yet people continue to live there and move there. Maybe there is a reason. Could it possibly be that the clueless or brainless are drawn to Flori-duh? Obviously lacking common sense is a prerequisite to making the big move.

Honestly I do not give a damn where people choose to live. That is their business. Just do not invade my pocket book for your act of stupidity. If someone chooses to live in Flori-duh and subsequently gets cold-cocked by the nearest hurricane that decides to pay a visit, do not cry on my shoulder. Deal with it on your own. That may sound somewhat harsh but that is how I see it.

Now it is time to turn to the business sector. You know, all those folks who know how to build a better mouse trap and are trying to scratch a living by selling the infernal things. Hey, I have no problem with somebody starting up a business. I also have no problem with someone relocating their business. But why Flori-duh? It seems utterly incredible that knowing Flori-duh's record for hurricanes anybody would want to start or relocate a business there, but they do. Amazing.

You see businessmen and women are supposed to be smart. In other words they have four or more brain cells to rub against each other. If that theory is correct, and I am beginning to have my doubts about it, why in the world would any savvy businessman or woman want to, as in willfully, start or relocate his or her business to Flori-duh? A state whose hurricane season lasts 8 God Damn months. April through November. That is two-thirds of the entire year. Just based on that single historical fact, I would not even consider starting or relocating a business in Flori-duh.

Some businesses, like it or not, are more important than others. I mean, lets get real if Mattel, for example, had their main business operations in Flori-duh and got their clock cleaned by a passing hurricane, it would be no big deal. True the Barbie doll collectors might get their panties in a bunch, but so what. Nobody is going to really care. Mattel just ain't that important. But what about a company who provides medical supplies to consumers throughout the United States? A company like, oh let's say, Liberty Medical. That company is actually located not only in Flori-duh but in Port St. Lucie to boot. Right on the Atlantic coast. And, with frequent regularity, Liberty Medical has been knocked on their stupid butt by hurricanes. To be sure this season they got nailed by both Hurricanes Frances and Jeanne.

Liberty Medical does not ship band-aids for their primary business. They sell and ship prescription medicines, test equipment and so on and so forth. And they ship them directly to consumers from their "state-of-the-art" facility located in Port St. Lucie. I'll bet it isn't so state-of-the-art right now. Further, Liberty Medical boasts of having over 1,000,000 customers. That is a lot of customers who will have to wait on quite possibly critical medical supplies when Liberty's lights go out as they recently did. Liberty Medical also boasts about being able to contact the company 24/7 and the customer having received their order within 3 - 5 days. If you attempt call them at the time this story was written you will be connected to a call center in Colorado. The nice folks at the call center will happily tell you that Liberty Medical will contact you in a few days when their now abandoned facility is back in operation. Assuming the facility is still standing, that is.

Unlike Mattel, Liberty Medical serves an important function. Delivering medical supplies. Well bust my buttons Maynard, it is kind of hard to deliver medical supplies when your whole blasted store is knocked down flatter than a fritter because the business owners do not have the brain cells God gave a rock and built their business and building right smack-dab in the middle of hurricane alley. Flori-duh.

If I was the boss of Liberty Medical, I would seriously consider relocating my business to Omaha. It is more centralized in the U.S. It has major transportation hubs located nearby. Omaha is not prone to hurricanes, though the occasional tornado does saunter on through from time to time but not nearly as often as hurricanes heading for Flori-duh. I would also be willing to bet that the cost of doing business in Omaha is cheaper than the cost of doing business in Flori-duh. Additionally, I would think that business insurance in Omaha is cheaper then the same in Flori-duh. So, why in the Sam Thump is Liberty Medical doing in Flori-duh?

Come to think of it, why would any sane businessman or woman decide to set up shop in Flori-duh? There is absolutely no rational reason for doing so. Unless you happen to own a construction company and then you just might be in like Flint. Otherwise Omaha looks better with each passing day.

For those who choose to continue to reside in Flori-duh ... there is a reason why it is spelled that way.

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