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Sunday, 29 November, 2020

It's Time for Something Completely Different

Date: 15 March, 2009

By: Chief

Imagees, yes I know. I have tread upon the territory of the great and one and only Pythoners ("And now for something completely different"). What? You know not of what I speak? Have you never heard of Monty Python? No? You poor deprived souls. Hence, as a penance I highly suggest each and every one of you purchase a copy of:

Or purchase the boxed set from Amazon "The Holy Trinity."

Now with that nicely over with allow me to turn the page and get on with this story. So what is this story about? A question. Yup, just a question. And that question is — When does a person ... become a person?

Hmmm. I think I had better add a couple of caveats. First Joe [non-person] Person is a natural human being (Joe did not show up in a space ship and land in Roswell, New Mexico, slither out from under a rock and Joe is not a business). The second caveat is Joe is a native born citizen of the United States.

A rather intriguing question don't you think? And one not all that easily answered. Well at least not clearly answered.

The basis of when does a person ... become a person is answered in the Twenty Sixth Amendment to our Constitution which states:

"Section 1

"The right of citizens of the United States, who are eighteen years of age or older, to vote shall not be denied or abridged by the United States or by any State on account of age.

"Section 2

"The Congress shall have power to enforce this article by appropriate legislation."

So then, according to our Constitution a person becomes a person at the ripe old age of eighteen. This is also known as adulthood or the age of majority. As such Joe [Constitutional or legal] Person gets to enjoy all of the:


of a real gen-u-wine person or, as it is commonly referred to, as an adult.

Okay, I can agree with that — sort of.

The 'sort of', and it is an important 'sort of', comes into play because legislatures took something simple — 18 and you are a real, Constitutional and legal person — and mucked it up terribly. How could this be? Well here are a few and I mean a very few examples. A non-person can:

Yet a non-person cannot:

As usual I am very sure there are numerous other examples which could be added. I am also equally sure that left up to the legislatures things will end up getting worse rather than better. I do believe the word "convoluted" would be quite appropriate.

Wow, what a mess our legislators, federal and state, have made of the Twenty Sixth Amendment. Astounding is it not? Why yes. Yes it is.

So, what is Joe [non-person] Person anyhow? Well Joe [non-person] Person is actually a:

And lastly but to be sure most importantly —:

That is a fact, Jack. Or Joe [non-person] Person. To put this all in perspective Joe [non-person] Person is in fact a slave — when he exists at all.

Indeed Joe or Josephine [non-person] Person is the actual property of the parents (until a court gets involved anyway. But that is a story for a different time). When you get down to brass tacks most couples become parents because Mom got tired of cleaning the house and dear old Dad got tired of cutting the grass.

We tend to call them blighters (my personal favorite), kids, minors, juveniles, money drain or pains in the ass (PITA) but in actuality they are property. As parents we:

Who says the Thirteenth Amendment outlawed slavery? Bear in mind slaves were property. In this particular case we do lose our property — our slaves — when they become people. But by then who really cares? All teenagers are stupid and when a teenager turns 18, as parents, we want them either out of the house or dead — whichever comes first. Besides "Always look on the bright side of life" (from Monty Python's movie — "The Life of Brian"). Either way — they are gone.

Do you see what I have been discussing? It really is not clear at all. Legislatures do nothing but screw things up and when does a person ... become a person is merely another example of legislatures gone awry. They enact laws they factually know are, at best, imbecilic and wait for the civil court system to attempt to sort things out. Court decisions, however, tend to make a bad situation, a bad law for example, — worse — for the most part.

So when does a person ... become a person?

Honestly, it depends upon where you live.

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